I am sick of having to worry about people worrying. It is killing me. All my life I have had to hide my feelings for the benefit of others. "Don't say anything to her about it, darling", "keep it to yourself", "better to hide it". Too many times have I heard these words after bursting out in rage from weeks of being locked in my own head.
Sometimes, when there is no other way (often due to conscious refusal from one of the parties involved) and in extreme situations, things need to be spoken out to prevent death from mental asphyxia. But most feelings must be expressed and understood without words. They are there, you can see them, I can see them, and we both know that you and I can. And this is a fascinating attribute of human interaction: many things must be expressed without being said. It is as if, as soon as we speak them, the corporeality of our voices seals our thoughts and feelings dead. They turn into mere ob-jects. And as they touch the ground, they cloud the unconscious stream which carries all the feelings we know to feel and all the thoughts we know to think.
Please, my darling, see me out loud.
© asd – 2009
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