Coincidence

I used to have a weird belief, a pagan look at the mysterious signs which came my way. They always seemed to come in pairs. I would first hear/see something unusual I had not encountered before. Most of the time, it was trivial: a date, the name of a historical/musical/etc. figure, a song, a poem or even a word. Upon encountering it for the first time, my attention was startled: it is an almost inexpressible feeling. A question mark is what defines it best. The feeling is ephemerous and soon I would lose all consciously-accessible memories of it.
Yet, somehow, there was a second encounter. In a different place, a different setting entirely. The second time round, it was a feast of exclamation marks. But this was no superficial revelation: no meaning erupted from it and I could not say: "now I know the purpose of this!". Something fundamental, extraordinary was happening, but there was no conscious activity. It was completely instinctive and almost primitive. Every time, I was filled with an extreme sense of happiness and excitement. The only certainty I had was, there is something beyond the surface of all things and it is not a product of my doing.
For many years I kept this to myself. It is very hard to phrase (I'm sure you can see that now!). But one day I told my sister. And this was a magical moment: she told me she felt it too. She knew exactly what I meant and she had experienced it too.
I think it may have something to do with Deleuze's ideas of "Difference and Repetition".

It is gone. I have not felt it for a very long time. Something has happened to me and I don't know what. I can feel it within my soul and body: something has changed.

<© asd – 2009>